Your mind is a poor reflection of the truth
Core coaching philosophy #1
In this series of essays I’m going to outline the core philosophies that shape my thinking and approach to coaching. I will elaborate on why I believe these things to be both true and important, drawing on a wide range of sources and influence from the modern scientific, to the ancient spiritual. If there is one thing I’m confident of, it’s that my own thinking will continue to evolve over time. As it does so I will try to make updates to reflect that evolution. Whether you’re a client of mine or simply a passerby, I hope you find some food for thought here.Your mind is a poor reflection of the truth. It’s powerful, smart, complex and wonderful in a myriad of ways; whilst also being fallible, misleading, erratic and prone to error. This is not an attack on you. Mine is too. So if we’re going to get ourselves out of this mess then we need to be open to scrutinising things a little.
For many of us this presents a challenge, we’re so identified with our own thinking minds that we believe that voice in our head chatting incessantly, is us. And if my thinking mind is me, then surely any attempt to distance myself from it is counterproductive?
Your mind is sneaky like that. But that voice isn’t you. There is no ‘you’ sat behind your eyes looking out on the world through two holes in your head. And the more you are able to realise that, to step back and to become an observer of what’s going on in your mind, the more space that creates.
‘What I value most from my seventeen years of full-time spiritual training is that I no longer believe my every thought.’
Bjoern Natthiko Lindeblad, a monk of 17 years and author of ‘I May Be Wrong: And Other Wisdoms From Life as a Forest Monk’
Now I’d be curious to gauge your reaction at reading thus far. Maybe there’s part of you that wants to reject the idea - the same part that prides itself on being rational or intelligent; but perhaps there’s a part of you that knows it to be true. If you’re in the camp of wholeheartedly accepting it then feel free to skip ahead; if not, allow me to try to convince you for a moment.
Your own experience
Let’s start with the basics here - in the image below, which horizontal line is longer, top or bottom?
Despite your mind’s best efforts to convince you that the top line is longer, the truth is that they’re exactly the same length (go ahead and measure on your screen to check). As trivial as this might seem, I believe it’s a great demonstration of how your mind doesn’t accurately reflect even some of the most basic things you take to be true. If that’s the case for something as simple as this 2D line drawing, what about the messy and complex world you operate in day-to-day? When things get more complex and we factor in our emotional state, for example, then the truth can be even more easily obscured.
Take a moment to consider something that’s a source of mild stress right now. Maybe you’re overthinking something you said in a meeting earlier; or you’re worried about how busy next week is going to be. Whatever it is, just take a moment to consider what you’re thinking about it and how it’s making you feel right here right now.
Now I want you to take two minutes breathing. Try breathing in for a count of 4, holding for a count of 4, breathing out for a count of 4, holding for a count of 4. Continue for a couple of minutes.
Now it’s time to reflect on that source of stress again. How are you thinking and feeling about it now? I’m willing to bet that something has changed for you, even if only in subtle ways. But what’s actually changed? Not the situation itself. Any perceived change is simply a result of you thinking differently when in a more relaxed state. What you may have perceived to be ‘true’ two minutes ago, now seems different.
The wider evidence
The simple experiential examples above are merely reflecting what a wider body of evidence demonstrates to be true - that there are a myriad of ways in which we know our minds are poor reflections of the truth, most of which exist for good reason.
Take the brain’s negativity bias for example - there’s a lot of evidence to show that our brains disproportionately index on negative information. As cavepeople, this negativity bias served an important role in our survival; keeping hold of the negative stuff made us less likely to drink contaminated water, to venture into dangerous territories, or to get eaten by one of the many things that would have enjoyed eating us. In the modern day however, where these kind of survival threats have all but disappeared for large parts of the population, and we’re continuously exposed to global news and opinion, this negativity bias can be highly damaging to our mental wellbeing.
Add to that heuristics - a name given to the wide array of strategies and mental shortcuts our brains use to try to make quick and effective judgments and decisions. We face many complex decisions as people, and it’s easy to see how mental shortcuts might be really valuable in some contexts - but these shortcuts can also make us more prone to error and become a form of cognitive distortion.
Now I could devote many more words here to the concepts and body of evidence that really hammer home the point, but I suspect it might bore you to read it and me to write it. The more important question you might be asking is why? Why am I trying to convince you here? What makes this important?
Why is this important?
In my opinion this is the most important truth when it comes to thinking about coaching and change more generally. If our minds were a perfect (or even reasonable) reflection of the truth then think about that world for a moment. One thing is for sure - it would be a very different place to the one it is today. I’d like to think a better place, with less conflict, more honesty and integrity, more purpose and meaning, more connection.
But the fact that our minds don’t work that way is not a reason for despair - it’s what leaves the space for us to explore, to better understand our own operating system - the ways in which we see the world, process it, and move through it. It creates a certain freedom in which we can learn to look for change from within, rather than seeking it in those things that lie beyond our control.
It’s that space in which I believe many important answers to life’s most important questions lies. It’s where a greater sense of purpose, connection and contentedness exists. And it’s the space in which great coaching has the power to help people in profound and impactful ways.
More core coaching philosophies to come.